Well here I am, just over 2 weeks later and so much has happened since then! I have to be completely honest and let you know that I am still in an incredible amount of pain, but I am still hopeful that this will subside in time. I was told to give myself at least a month before I notice any let up in the pain. At the moment it feels like a really severe case of Mastitis, crossed with the feeling that someone/something is constantly applying pressure to my upper chest. Then there is the soreness at the sides, the swelling, the inability to sleep comfortably. Then there is the frustration at not being able to do anything without the risk of being completely wiped out for the next couple of days! Not forgetting the fact that I need help to apply my own personal hygiene! I tried to have a bath last week...what a fail that was! I managed to get in no problem, but getting out was quite a different story! My mum had to help me, I was able to get in fine, I just went on my knees and lowered myself, but could I get out? Could I boot! I don't even know how I managed it in the end, but I remember mum joking that we would have to call the Fire Brigade to help...My response to that was, "cover my bum!".
I went to my post-op check up last Thursday and my surgeon was quite taken aback by the amount of bruising on my right breast, in fact his response on seeing them was "ooh poor you"! He tried to drain the bruising but was only able to get a little bit but from that he confirmed that it would in fact disperse on its own. And that it has! The bruising has gone down quite a bit since my appointment...thanks goodness!
Another thing I have really been struggling with is the fact that I was told to stop taking my HRT for a couple of weeks following my op. This is to reduce the risk of DVT. However it enormously increases the risk of horrendous hot sweats and terrible moods/weepy sensitivity! I have been nothing short of horrible to my gorgeous son, I just have not had any patience with him what so ever. For that I feel terribly guilty, but I really do hope that is behind me now as I have been able to re-start my HRT 2 nights ago! I have also been experiencing what can only be described as "spontaneous crying"! Again, I hope this is something that will eventually fade.
I have to say Monday was a particularly bad day with regards to pain and mood. So much so that I even spoke the immortal words "I wish I'd never had the f****ng operation!!"! I know that this was just a spur of the moment outburst and that when things settle down I will not be thinking like this atall, I will be thinking straight! The pain, frustration, tiredness and inability to do things for myself just became too much and this is how I reacted.
I know this all seems very negative at the moment, but this is how it is I'm afraid...Well, for me anyway! I'm not really a good recoverer of operations, and I know everyone is different! Please bear this in mind if you are reading this and have yet to go through surgery! I don't want it to put anyone off, I just want to write down how I'm feeling, I'm sure there will also be people reading this who know exactly where I'm coming from and can totally relate to it, and can say that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and these feelings wont last forever, which, realistically, I am sure they wont!
Today is a better day, today I am just tired....don't get me wrong I am also in pain, but today I can cope with it!
And so, my next appointment at the hospital is in 4 weeks time, my surgeon wanted to check out the bruising and swelling before arranging an expansion (at the rate I am going, I won't need one! I am currently the size I was pre-op!). Unfortunately I didn't have the tissue results at my last appointment as they weren't yet back so I will, I guess, have them at the next appointment. I also had the dressings removed, although underneath I still have steri-strips. I spoke to my BC Nurse yesterday to ask about whether I have to remove these as it is such a long time before my next op, but was told that they would eventually fall off anyway, then I will see what is underneath. It concerns me a little not seeing a nipple, but I had a dream last night that they were all finished and they looked fab so I know it's only a matter of time before I get to that point as my surgeon is the best!.
Next time I write I will be sure to be more positive ;-) I have been photographing my journey so I can see the difference and improvements :-)
Thank you for reading :-)
As ever comment, share, tweet.
Lots of Love